Order THE DOORMAN now!


Want to order THE DOORMAN from Heavy Metal Ink by me, Daniel Kibblesmith, and Kendall Goode? No problem! Here’s a fun order form and listicle to help you out!!

Issue 01 Preorder-Listicle (1)

Other ways to help out:

* Fill out this form and bring it to your favorite local comic shop (or find a new favorite comic shop at ComicShopLocator.com)
* … OR just call them with the order number!
* Pre-order it for your OWN shop (you have one right)
* Contact us for an interview for your press outlet or podcast (you have one right)
* Share this image & bulletin with your comics-inclined friends and say “I know these guys.”
* Read and buy comics in general (they are great)


1st Cover of The Doorman from Heavy Metal Publishing

Hi There!

Here is the 1st issue cover of my upcoming 5 issue mini series that I wrote with Daniel Kibblesmith. The artist is Kendall Goode. And the release date is March 16th! If you are a retailer our diamond info is: (STK698182)

Tell your friends!

Final Doorman Cover 2

Here’s what the story is about:

Henry Clay Waters is The Doorman of Earth and hasn’t had an interstellar visitor in decades until… his last day on the job when an extraterrestrial assassin darkens his doorstep. Saved by the neurotic alien Detective Flower, the two must team up to solve the galaxy’s biggest mystery or get killed trying!

Page 1, Panel 1:Goodbye Gloop


Panel 1: Establishing shot. It’s night time. We find ourselves in a clear patch of land surrounded by haunted looking woods. The moon is full, and the stars are bright. Three small figures, armed with shovels, are silhouetted by the pale cosmic light. They are digging a hole, and totally concentrated on their task at hand.

Caption: Somewhere in the woods…

Voice 1 Caption: We’ll never be able to dig a hole big enough.

Voice 2 Caption: Shuddup, will ya.

Voice 3 Caption: Just keep digging, the both of ya’s.

Panel 2: Small panel. One shovel head buries itself sharply in the ground.

Voice 1 Caption: Think anyone will notice he’s gone?


Panel 3: Small panel. All we see are two white-gloved hands gripped tightly on the oak stock of the shovel, and tossing back the dirt into the air carelessly.  

Voice 2 Caption: Whadya’ mean? Like come looking?

Panel 4: Small panel. Repeat panel 2. Except instead of one shovel head digging into the ground, we see all three dig in at unison.




Voice 1 Caption: Yeah. I mean… He is a dead kid. Ya know?

Panel 5:  Small panel. A hand can be seen. A dead hand. A child’s dead hand. It is distorted from rigor-mortis. Almost claw like now. The hand has been cleaned, but poorly. Underneath the finger nails, and inside the cuticles, is something dark… something brown that stains. The hand itself is splotchy with the same color.

Voice 3 Caption: Ain’t no one comin’ to find this one. Ain’t no one. Boss has got friends in high places. Plus…

Woods at night.  2

Creepy woods!

PAGE 2 & 3

Double Page Splash! Three indifferent Oompa Lumpas look down at the fat-dead body of Augustus Gloop.

His face is crippled permanently with horror. His eyes are wide in a morbid epiphany. It’s as though he fully realized his death before the viscous chocolate flooded his lungs, drowning him in his own vice. 


Make sure to cut off his fingers.

He lays on top of a garbage bag, or tarp of some kind. Next to the four figures is the hastily dug shallow grave.

Small mounds of dirt surround the scene.

Only the owls are privy to this secret rendezvous. A secret that they will share only with the Oompa Lumpas and the stars above.  

Oompa Lumpa 3/Voice 3: I don’t think anyone is going to miss him.


Panel 1: The three Oopma Lumpas struggle to heave the body of Augustus into the air. Into the hole. Into his grave. 

Ooompa Lumpas: UGH! 

Panel 2: Augustus’ body lands clumsily with a thud. His body is distorted from the fall. 


Panel 3: Oompa Loompas stand over Gloop’s body, arms akimbo. The moon behind them turns them all into silhouettes. One tosses a handful of flowers onto the body.

Oompa Lumpa 3: He really was a nincompoop.

Panel 4: The flowers lay on Augustus’ chest. They are as still has he is. 

Oompa Lumpa/Voice 1 Caption: A big one at that.

Panel 5: Small panel. One shovel head carves itself in a mound of loose dirt that had previously been dug up.

Oompa Lumpa/Voice 3 Caption: Alright. Let’s get back to it.

Panel 6: Small panel. We see only the shovel. It is cruelly and carelessly tossed in the offpanel hole. Onto the unseen body of Augustus Gloop. 


Oompa Lumpa/Voice 3 Caption: I want to get back before curfew…

Panel 7: Small panel. The loose dirt from the shovel scatters on Augustus’ face. Soon his eternal death scream will be covered by mud and nature. Eventually wiped away by time. And forgotten by memory. 

AG 2

Imagine this. But in a hole. And dead.

Tyrell Cannon’s Bloodpouch

Hi there folks,

So yesterday I dropped this baby on Twitter. But I’ll repost it here in case MY MASSIVE wordpress following missed it. Here is a pin up version of Bloodpouch – One of the characters from my Dark Horse ongoing series, THE PAYBACKS (Sept 16th). It’s a loving homage to Rob Liefield done by the amazingly talented Tyrell Cannon.


Don’t you miss the 90’s?

Okay, that’s it for now!

Stay plugged in, stay tuned, and stay alive!!

Schedule For August/September/October

Hey Kids!

It’s going to be a busy next few months! Not only do I get to schedule a whole bunch of bookings for the first time in my career. BUT I’ll be pitching another comic book in September! Anyways… for those who like comedy, and also me. Come to one of these shows!

August 3rd @ New Television’s Season Finale.

August 4th Guest Host @ On The Fly With Tony Fly

August 7th, 8th, 13th, 14th, 15th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, 27th, 28th, 29th – MC @ The Joke Joint


Here’s me smiling at the “zero dollars” in my bank account.

Sept 3rd-5th – Featuring @ The Joke Joint

Sept 16th – 1ST ISSUE RELEASE OF THE PAYBACKS! Signing @ The Source Comics & Games.

Oct 2nd – Aw Yeah Comics, IL – Signing & Headliner for The Evening With The Paybacks.

Oct 3rd – Aw Yeah Comics, IN – Signing & Headliner for The Evening With The Paybacks. 

Oct 4th – Comic Heaven, Willoughby – Signing & Headliner for The Evening With The Paybacks

Oct 5th – Fantom Comics, DC – Signing & Headliner for The Evening With The Paybacks

Oct 6th – Pittsburgh Comics, McMurray – Signing & Headliner for The Evening With The Paybacks

Oct 7th – Collectors Corner, Baltimore – Signing & Headliner for The Evening With The Paybacks

Oct 8-11th – New York Comic Con!

October 21st – 2nd issue release of The Paybacks!

October 23/24th – The Comedy Corner Underground.

October 27th – November 1st – Feature @ The House of Comedy

Stay Plugged In, Stay Tuned, AND STAY ALIVE!

Love, Eliot.